Relationship OCD (ROCD): Symptoms, Tips, and ERP Treatment
Last updated October 1, 2025
What is Relationship OCD?
Relationship OCD is also known as ROCD. It is a form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) where the obsessions and compulsions are about their relationships. People with ROCD often have intrusive thoughts and doubts about their partner or the relationship. People with ROCD struggle with significant distress and anxiety. Thankfully, it is treatable with exposure and response prevention (ERP).
If you are looking for ERP for ROCD, book a free consultation with our clinic. We have a variety of OCD specialists to choose from. Our Clinical Directors will screen you for OCD and match you with a therapist. You can choose to work with a registered social worker, online psychologist, or registered psychotherapist. * Must be resident in Ontario, Quebec or British Columbia. Discover our therapy fees.
Symptoms of ROCD
ROCD symptoms are characterized by obsessions and compulsions related to relationships. Here are some common examples:
Obsessions:
Constantly doubting your love for your partner
Obsessing over your partner’s flaws
Worrying if your partner truly loves you
Worrying that your partner is being unfaithful
Comparing your relationship to others
Compulsions/Rituals:
Repeatedly seeking reassurance from your partner, friends or therapist
Constantly checking your feelings or testing your love
Avoiding situations that trigger doubts
Excessive research about relationships and love (e.g. Google, Reddit)
Excessively researching symptoms related to OCD
Avoidant Behaviours:
People with ROCD may avoid situations that trigger their anxiety. Some common avoidant behaviours include:
Avoiding romantic activities or dates
Avoiding conflict with your partner
Staying away from social events with other couples
Avoiding deep conversations about the relationship
Avoiding being around other people who you find “attractive”
Steering clear of places that remind you of past relationship doubts
Ending romantic relationships because of anxiety and obsessions
What are the Core Fears of ROCD?
ROCD feeds on fear and doubt, and these fears can take many forms. Some of the most common include:
Fear of making the “wrong” choice: “What if this isn’t the right person for me?”
Fear of not being good enough: “What if I’m not the partner they deserve?”
Fear of missing out: “What if I’m settling and there’s someone better out there?”
Fear of losing feelings: “What if I don’t love them anymore?”
Fear of deception: “What if they’re hiding something from me?”
These fears often feel urgent and overwhelming, but they’re rooted in anxiety—not reality.
Learn more about how OCD shows up in teens.
What is Relationship OCD? (ROCD) Source: OCD and Anxiety
What is the Root Cause of ROCD?
ROCD doesn’t have one clear cause. It’s often linked to a mix of biological, psychological, and environmental factors. Some people might have a genetic predisposition to anxiety or OCD. In other words, mental health issues run in their family. Our environment can also predispose us to developing ROCD. For example, you grew up in a home where relationships felt uncertain or your parents emphasized perfection.
At its core, ROCD is an anxiety disorder. It’s not about the quality of your relationship—it’s about how your brain gets stuck in patterns of fear and doubt. Think of it like an overly sensitive smoke alarm, going off even when there’s no real fire. ROCD tricks you into thinking there’s something wrong in your relationship, even when your relationship is healthy and loving.
Prevalence of ROCD
ROCD might feel isolating, but you’re far from alone. Studies suggest that around 1-2% of people experience ROCD symptoms at some point. Among those with OCD, it’s more common— affecting up to 20-30%.
What’s tricky is that ROCD is often misunderstood or overlooked. Many people think of OCD as people who have excessive cleaning rituals. But, OCD can have a variety of themes at its core. People might assume their doubts are normal relationship struggles, so they don’t look for help. But understanding that ROCD is a real condition—and treatable—can be a huge relief.
Treatment for ROCD
Treating ROCD involves evidence-based therapies that can help you manage and reduce symptoms. Here are some effective treatments:
ERP for Relationship OCD (ROCD):
ERP stands for exposure and response prevention therapy. It is a type of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). It is an effective treatment option for treating ROCD. It involves exposing yourself to the thoughts and situations that trigger your obsessions. It also consists in eliminating compulsive behaviours. Over time, this helps reduce the power of the obsessions.
Treating ROCD can be tricky because the rituals look very different than your typical OCD with contamination fears. The rituals can look like coping strategies (e.g. positive self-talk or mental rituals), which many therapists will overlook. Many therapists may inadvertently teach you “coping strategies” that will become rituals.
Exposure ideas for ROCD should based on the person's unique symptoms. Think of your avoidant and compulsive behaviours. For example, if you avoid dating because of your obsessions, a good exposure might involve activities around dating. For instance, you could make a dating profile, go on a casual or romantic date, etc. Imaginal exposure of your worst fears coming true is another effective strategy in ERP.
Learn about ERP for OCD.
Exposure Ideas for Relationship OCD (ROCD)
Below are some examples of exposures that can be helpful for ROCD. Everyone’s experience is different, so these should be seen as ideas rather than a checklist.
Looking at photos of your partner without checking for feelings of attraction or love.
Watching romantic movies or shows without comparing your relationship to the one portrayed.
Writing down feared thoughts (e.g., “Maybe I don’t really love my partner”) and reading them aloud daily.
Sitting next to your partner without scanning your body for reassurance about attraction.
Leaving texts or calls unanswered for a period of time (instead of checking if your partner still cares).
Reading about breakups or divorces without trying to mentally “check” if it will happen to you.
Spending time with your partner without analyzing whether you feel “in love enough.”
Looking at attractive people without comparing them to your partner.
Going on a date with your partner without testing your feelings (e.g., “Did I feel butterflies?”).
Saying “I love you” without waiting to feel certainty behind the words.
Visualizing feared scenarios (e.g., “What if I stop loving my partner?” or “What if we break up?”).
Writing and rereading a script describing your worst fear (e.g., losing your partner) and allowing the anxiety to rise and fall.
Scrolling through social media without checking whether your partner likes or comments on your posts.
Not researching online (“Do I really love my partner?” “Signs of a healthy relationship”) when triggered.
Purposely noticing doubts (e.g., “Maybe my relationship isn’t right”) and practicing not solving them.
*These examples highlight exposures that can support ERP for Relationship OCD. Work through exposures with a qualified OCD therapist. A therapist can help you adapt them to your needs and guide you in practicing them safely.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT):
CBT helps you understand and change the thought patterns that fuel your obsessions. It teaches you skills to manage anxiety and cope with intrusive thoughts.
Learn about CBT.
Medication for ROCD:
In some cases, medications can help manage OCD symptoms (e.g. selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Consult a psychiatrist or family doctor to see if this option is right for you.
Book a free consultation to learn how ERP can help you build a healthy relationship without debilitating anxiety. We will match you with an OCD therapist in Ontario. * Servicing all of Ontario.
7 Tips if You Have ROCD - From an OCD Therapist
Acknowledge Your Thoughts:
Recognize that your obsessive thoughts are a part of ROCD and not a reflection of reality. Try to leave the thoughts alone if you can.
Practice Mindfulness:
Mindfulness can help you stay grounded and reduce the impact of intrusive thoughts. It’s best to practice mindfulness at regular intervals (e.g. in the morning and before you go to bed) so that you don’t use it as a compulsion.
Limit Reassurance Seeking:
Avoid seeking constant reassurance from your partner or others. This can reinforce the obsessions. Avoid using Google or Reddit to find reassurance that it’s just your OCD.
Challenge Negative Thoughts:
Use CBT techniques to challenge and reframe negative thoughts about your relationship. It’s best to create balanced thoughts as opposed to positive thoughts. Positive thoughts are prone to become mental compulsions. E.g. instead of “My partner may not be right for me”, maybe you could say “I love them very much but it’s hard to know for sure if there is someone out there better for me”.
Set Boundaries:
Create boundaries around time spent on compulsive behaviours, such as checking or researching. If you can slowly drop your compulsive behaviours over time, you will find that you start to obsess less!
Focus on the Present:
Engage in activities that keep you present and connected with your partner.
Seek Professional Help:
A therapist experienced in OCD can provide the support and tools you need to manage ROCD.
At Virtual CBT Psychotherapy, we have a variety of therapists to choose from who are experienced with ERP. Book a free consultation today to to if we can help. Click the tab below to get started.
Resources for OCD
If you’re struggling with ROCD, there are resources available to help you:
CAMH (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health):
CAMH offers various mental health services, including treatment for OCD. Visit camh.ca to learn more. Wait-lists can be long for free services in Ontario. Please check your benefits to see if you have benefits for private mental health services. Wait-times can be quicker in private practice.
Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) Ontario:
CMHA provides support and resources for mental health issues. Visit ontario.cmha.ca for local services.
Our favourite website for OCD: International OCD Foundation
Self-Help Books for OCD
Connect with an ERP Therapist for ROCD
ROCD can be challenging and can impact the quality of your life. But with the right support and treatment, you can manage your symptoms and have healthier relationships. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and ROCD is treatable with ERP.
Book a Free Consultation to Get Started
Check your benefits to see if you are covered for private therapy. We have a variety of therapists to choose from - often covered by your benefits. You can choose to work with a registered social worker, psychotherapist or clinical psychologist.
Book a free consultation to see how we can help. Our Clinical Directors will meet with you and match you with an OCD therapist. We support teens and adults in Ontario, Quebec and British Columbia (B.C.).
We also offer online psychological assessments with a registered psychologist.
Written by an OCD therapist, Celissa Vipond, RSW, MSW
